*Magneto, played by Vern Troyer, takes the witness stand and is sworn in by bailiff Beast*
Magneto: ever since we were young, he has always tried to invade my mind and make me do thing I didnt want to
Hulk: could you give me an example?
*begin flashback scene with the following narration*
Magneto: in fifth grade, Xavier's brother, Juggernaut, used to pick on us for being scrawny, but he didnt bother us if we gave him our lunches. One day, Juggernaut came to our lunch table, and he made me punch Juggernaut in the crotch.
*end flashback*
Magneto: Every day after that, he gave me the worst wedgies I have ever had in my life for the rest of the year
Hulk: have you ever done anything to stop him?
Magneto: of course, I made a helmet out of metal so he couldnt invade my mind. But it is a fucking helmet of metal, it is heavy. It fucking stunted my growth. Look at me! And it is ALLLLLLL because of him *points at Xavier*
Hulk: no further questions
*Hulk sits down, and Space Ghost gets up and begins questioning Magneto...*
Space Ghost: That wasnt the first year Juggernaut had picked on you, was it?
Magneto: no, it had been a couple of years. Juggernaut was a total jackass
Space Ghost: so, punching him in the crotch was something you have thought about before, correct?
Magneto: but I would never do it because...
Space Ghost: just a yes or no answer. You have thought about doing it before, havent you?Magneto: yes
Space Ghost: So it is possible that Xavier just gave you courage to act out your own feelings instead of implanting thoughts in your head, isnt it?
Magneto: Do you fucking think I would be this tall if I didnt think he was putting thoughts in my head?!?!
Space Ghost: You yourself have had ways of making people do things, havent you?
Magneto: I...don't know...what you are talking about
Space Ghost: oh come on Magneto, Colossus is in the next room waiting to testify. Can we please save him that embarrassment
Magneto: That was just an isolated incident
Space Ghost: Please explain what happened
Magneto: sigh. Well, I was just learning how to use my metal controlling skills...
*flashback to little Magneto and little Colossus playing in a room*
Magneto: come on Colossus, turn into metal, I wanna try something
Colossus: I dont wanna!
Magneto: dont lie to me, I know you like being all shiny
Colossus: This is the last time.
*Colossus turns into metal*
Magneto: k, I hope I do this right....
*Magneto focuses his powers, and gives colossus a dildo on his head*
Magneto: I did it! hurray!
Colossus: what the fuck! get it off, get it off!!!!
Magneto: not yet, not yet. Mystique, get in here!!!!!
*enter little Mystique*
Mystique: Whats up magnee...what the hell?!Magneto: look what I did
Mystique: Well, it is an upgrade over his normal size.
*Magneto and Mystique both starting laughing at Colossus*
Colossus: I hate you both!
*cries home to his shed, takes a hammer and hits the dildo on his head to get rid of it*
*flashback ends with Colossus on the floor in a concussed state with a dented dildo on his head*
Magneto: I didnt mean anything by it, I was a kid
Space Ghost: At the age of 8, you were giving your friend a dildo on his head, and you expect this jury to believe that Xavier MADE you touch his brother's crotch?!
Hulk: objection!
Space Ghost: nevermind, he doesnt need to answer. We all know the answer. no further questions
No comments:
Post a Comment