The Case of Kool Aid - Opening Statements

Judge Aquaman: This courtroom will come to order. I am Judge Aquaman and I will be presiding over this case.
*whispers to a fish bowl with goldfish in it*
Aquaman: oh yeah, and these are the judge's fish council. They just wanted to be introduced, but they should not concern you. This trial is based on the accused, Mr. Kool Aid, is being charged with criminal mischief in the first degree as a result of breaking and entering, and property damage of over $1500. The prosecution may begin with opening statements.
Prosecutor Captain Planet: Thank you, your honor. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have spent my life dedicated to cleaning up this world. I get summoned by 5 queers whenever they cant handle it and I defeat the bad guys. You all have probably heard the song, (sings) "Captain Planet, he's our hero. Gonna take pollution down to zero..." (stops singing) yada yada. And now, I clean up this great state of Connecticut in a different way. Through laws. And when I see someone like Defendant Kool Aid who is a repeat offender of property damage, I cant help but think, 'how can I stop this'. That is where you come in. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Kool Aid broke through the wall of a courthouse in front of a room full of witnesses in a recorded courtroom. and what did he do afterwards? He tried to walk away as if nothing happened. Now Mr. Kool Aid will try and blame others for his actions, but do not let him sway you. After you view the vidence, make Mr. Kool Aid resposible for his actions.
(Captain Planet sits down)
Aquaman: The defense may now give its opening statement.
Papa Smurf: If it please the smurf. Ladies and gentlemen of the smurf, what we have here is a clear case of smurf. In the smurf in question, Mr. Kool Aid was smurfed into breaking through the smurf in front of a room full of smurfs. The smurfs in this smurf set up a smurf intentionally designed to smurf Mr. Kool Aid. The defense will prove, beyond a smurf of a doubt that Mr. Kool Aid was smurfed into the situation, and thus not guilty.
Aquaman: Okay, what the fuck was that? All you did was say smurf over and over again and people have no idea what you said. Mr. Kool Aid, are you sure that you really want this man as your atorney?
Kool Aid: OH YEEAAAAHHHH!
Aquaman: Okay, there is something wrong with you. Papa Smurf, at this point, I think you should turn this case over to your second chair since no one understands what the fuck you are saying!
Papa Smurf: Very smurf. The second smurf on this case is...
Pikachu: Pika pika, pika chuuuu.
Aquaman: You gotta be shiting me. Okay, the court is now appointing council.
*Bailiff Iceman walks outside for a couple minutes and comes back with a new council*
Aquaman: Okay Mr. Kool Aid, I have been told there there is a new court appointed attorney for you.
*New attorney walks into the room and to the defense table. They discuss things for a minute*
Aquaman: Is the defense ready to restate the opening argument?
Captain Planet: Objection. The defense should not be allowed two opening statements.
(Aquaman talks to the fishbowl)
Aquaman: Objection noted, but overruled. The defense may proceed.
Ernie Keebler: Thank you, your honor. As my esteemed collegue was trying to explain earlier, Mr. Kool Aid did not commit breaking and entering, he was provoked into it. In fact, it is our claim that the police in fact entraped him into the situation. Mr. Kool Aid has done this before, and since the police knew his propensities, they set up a situation where he would be lured. I ask that you listen to the facts of the case and keep one thing in mind through the case...
*walks to the defense table and comes back holding...*
Ernie Keebler: Doesnt this look delicious? This is what we stand for. We will prove Mr. Kool Aid's entrapment, as well as our combined deliciousness. Thank you.
Aquaman: *sigh* The prosecution may begin with its case.